i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
