I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
