i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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