Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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