i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
