i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
