I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
