The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
