Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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