Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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