My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize