So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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