false alarm. still invincible.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
