why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
