He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
