he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
