so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Randomize
