No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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