im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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