You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
