i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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