After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
