i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
