oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
