Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
