Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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