Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
