Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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