So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
