theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
dude. I can hear the air.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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