You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
