saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
