Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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