Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
