Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
