Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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