My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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