the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
