I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
