He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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