i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
