as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
