I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize