Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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