I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
