look no pants
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
