i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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