I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
