her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
