we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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