so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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