Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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