ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
