Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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