he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
