would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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