May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need a hoe opinion
go on
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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