I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
this is an emotional support booty call
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
