I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
