I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There's always time for handjobs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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