He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
