I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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