we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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