its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All I want is dick and wine.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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