You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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