Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
