Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
