I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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