I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So much rum. So many feels.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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