One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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